During my laid-off time, I’m navigating a weird sea of emotions.
I feel bad if he isn’t learning 90% of the time. I love that he can play and I can “work”. I love that we can lazily roll into the day. I hate that he plays video games for more than 20 minutes. I hate that I have to fight for a walk or a trip to Old Navy. I hate that other people think this sea is easy or even controllable. I love when he asks me to play a board game. I hate when he asks to play it three times in a row. I hate that other people think I should be so grateful for this time. I love his glee when Coop comes home. I hate that Mark got to pack for a work trip and I really hate that he said, “This isn’t fun, it’s work.” I love that I used to think it was fun.
But what I really hate is that there is deep and awful hatred in the world. And I hate that anyone’s child has to grow into this unfortunate acceptance of life.
And in that sadness, I witness the simple joy of a kid licking guacamole.
Life should be that simple.
It is when you deal with the hate, but choose to drown in the love.