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Why I keep waking up…

There are days when things just aren’t working.  You start to think that clearly your kid hates you.  They must think you’re a monster who happens to be called “Momma”.  The eyerolls and sauce are being served all day long and the venom spits more with each passing hour.  You walk around Target having to correct behavior in every department.  And when you walk, you pass children behaving like angels.  You wonder, “If this is how six unfolds, how will I survive the teens?”  You’ve empty-threaten a thousands times more than you ever imagined.  You remembered when he was a baby/toddler and you figured your awesome parenting is what curbed problems other parents experienced.  Those were bad parents that couldn’t follow through.  You spend a good chunk of the day beating yourself up for becoming a bad parent.  It’s work, hobbies, second kid, laziness, tv, computer, showers, anything that takes your focus from your oldest.  Because a good parent wouldn’t have this type of kid sulking on the couch.

But every now and then, between the power struggles you feel his head rest on your shoulder.  During a snarky conversation, you catch his smile.  And it tells you, he’s just kidding.  Just let the “harshness” go, he’s just testing.  You remember that it can’t always be your way.  He gets to win something.  You remember how he couldn’t stop snuggling with you in the morning.  You didn’t dare get up for coffee.  You just waited for it to end.  And at the end of the day, after you’ve said “NO!” to the millionth request for candy/video game time/toy buying, he gives you a little note.

And you gear up for tomorrow.