Erika Ray Photography » blog


I’m still in the Lazy part of the Lazy Gal Quilts quilt.  I’ll talk fabric and size on Monday, but let’s move on some big basics.

I had a friend ask me about time.  Time is such a shitty word isn’t it?  There’s always too much of it or not enough.  Funny thing though, there’s always the same 24 hours of it.  It’s how we choose to use it.  So let’s talk.

I have no job.  I have tons of time.  This isn’t a fun fact, it’s just a fact right now.  I have time to write up a tutorial.  I have time to write lots of rambling posts about photography.  What else am I going to do?  Look for a job, Erika…  I am.  I am.  Before I lost my job, I had one that didn’t require me to go to an office.  More time than the average bear to work on hobbies.  It’s true.  Some weeks it wasn’t true.  And I’m sure the people jealous of my time wouldn’t want the weeks where I drove 1100 miles and lugged a suitcase into a hotel (god I miss that…)  But I also think deep down, I use my time well.  I use it for the things that are incredibly important to me.  I’m a selfish bitch.

My children have always been very good independent players.  Another friend who always had good independent players jokes that maybe we made them that way just so we could do things outside of Mothering.  Maybe.  Maybe not.

Some might think: Erika you’re quilting and not playing with your kids.  Don’t you think your kids will be resentful when they grow up: you cared more about the quilt/photography/cooking food for us/the house than us.  Not for one second has that ever crossed my mind.  My children are hardly ignored.  But really how many games of Sorry can you play in a row?  How many Lego buildings can you build before you want to face plant in the pile?  I play and then I give them alone time.  We’re good.  Daddy comes home.  He plays, I sew.  Sometimes I turn on the tv or video games…  Gasp.  They play, I play.  It’s a simple formula.  Yes, I get called away from the sewing machine (I should keep it in the basement) to get a snack.  Yes, I get up to settle a fight.  That’s fine.  I’m working on a project.  I never thought it’d be uninterrupted.

I used to hate last night’s dirty dishes looking at me in the morning.  Now, I hate being too tired to do fun things.  I put the food away (sometimes I forget) and let the dishes sit if I really want to sew.  Laundry isn’t always done on time.  Beds aren’t made.  Toys sometimes are out of place.  But I’ve created time for me.  Because that’s the most important thing.  A messy house isn’t.  I get Lazy so I can get busy.  It’s an Oprah-style thing: Put yourself first.  I could smack you in the face with this a 1000 times, but you won’t get it until you’re ready.  Erika my life is different.  I’m too busy.  I have XYZ and you don’t.  I don’t have the time.  Sure you might not get as much time, but there’s time for You in your life.  You just have to actually make yourself do YOU.

Maybe you have very small children who do need your attention, you won’t have as much time as someone who doesn’t.  Do you have another parent in the house?  Do you have a friend you can swap babies with?  But what can wait in your house?  The title Mommy doesn’t mean you’re responsible for the entire sha-bang.  Delegate so you have time.  Pass those kids off.  Years from now, what do you wish you did more of?  You’ll always have valid excuses to ignore doing You things, but you’ll run out of time for the important stuff if you believe or give into all of them.  Do it know.  Let the rest wait.  Do You now.  Turn into a selfish bitch.

Treat yourself to my Breakout session as a gift to start and relish in your new laziness.  Sign up to be notified here.

It sat.  It’s actually still there…
We played. 


I sewed.


  • stephanie - Those Lucky Charms look pretty good to me…even in the bottom of your sink. Great post. Thanks for keeping it real.March 29, 2013 – 8:44 amReplyCancel

  • Imene - I think that it’s a struggle only some of my american friends feel. Sounds lame to generalize but it’s true , when I travel back to Paris or Algiers my friends there are absolutely fine with putting themselves first. Date nights, weekends away or personal time is not ridden with guilt.
    The way I look at it is that kids grow up and leave and you still have to be able to function and have interests.
    My children will be happier knowing mommy has other things in her life than them. I take care of them, I read, I play (a little) and then I’m make time for me 😉
    Mine are independent players and I think your friend is right, we made them that way.March 29, 2013 – 9:27 amReplyCancel

  • Staci - Good ideas here! This is something I’m working on this year… letting go of the “shoulds” I impose and looking at things (personal time, exercising for health, family time, time with husband) that are really important.

    Imene’s comment about this being an American issue is really interesting… Being an American, it’s hard for me to know if this is true, but it really has me wondering if it is a cultural ting.March 29, 2013 – 11:45 amReplyCancel

  • MissySue - I just wanted to comment really quick. You’re truly an inspiration. You’re honest. And I don’t see very much of that, especially in the world of photography. Kudos to being a selfish bitch :-)April 12, 2013 – 12:34 pmReplyCancel

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