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In My Head I’m an Awesome Stripper.

A very VERY long time ago, a good friend said “I think if I could just meet Justin Timberlake, we’d be really good friends.”

I didn’t look at her like she had a problem.  I didn’t call the cops or attempt to warn JT.

She was right.  They would be good friends.

The JT we saw on tv would be BFF with my friend.  She believed it and it was true.  And I believed her.

Ever get something stuck in your head so hard that you actually believed you be amazing at it?  Come on?  Admit it.  There’s one thing that you’re 100% positive you’d be fucking amazing at!

I was having this discussion with my sister and she’s convinced that if she ever went to Paris, she’d be able to speak perfect French.  She took it in high school.  Maybe some college.  But that was decades ago.  Still she believes that she’d fit right in.  And walking through Target, I totally think she would do just fine strolling around Paris.

I’m convinced that Radioactive is the greatest stripper song around.  I think it’d be an instant classic in the stripper community.  In my head, the entire song is already choreographed.  Low light at first.  Then hard light behind her forcing a silhouette.  Maybe some water .  And then the light comes blasting up.  Fine…  Full enough so she’s still gorgeous (artificial light is awful for anyone).  But really, that’s an awesome Stripper song!  And in my head, I do the best damn routine.  In my head, you ladies will have nothing on my moves.  Nothing.  I’d get straight $20’s thrown my way.  Dollars are for chumps.  My saggy boobs won’t matter.  C-section scar?  Please.  Have you seen my hip thrusts?  I got this.  Turn on the song and watch me move.  Fall in love with me.

In my head.

These are the kind of fun fantasies that life allows.  It’s like the whip cream on vanilla ice cream.  These fantasies make life a little more silly and entertaining.  And maybe they push us if we allow it.

I’m not planning on stripping anytime soon.  But will I sing the song as loud as possible in the car?  Yes!  Will I indulge other silly fantasies?  I hope so.

You know you gotta ’em.  Spill it.

If you dare.


<<There’s no picture.  Because in Real Life I’m not an awesome stripper.>>



  • Jill - In Paris, I mistakenly ordered two tickets for the Metro instead of ten because my accent was so poor. However, it was much more charming with the waiter later that afternoon. Perhaps it was the bottle of wine I drank or his English, but you’re right, my accent is flawless in my head. So is my double kick flying twirl on the pole to Lou Rawl’s “Tobacco Road”…I like to kick it old school in my stripper routine.August 9, 2013 – 8:12 amReplyCancel

  • Michel - so now, after watching your stripper video, you aren’t only an awesome stripper but you are an awesome muppet stripper. sexyAugust 9, 2013 – 10:26 amReplyCancel

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