Some people swear they’ll never buy a mini van or move to the suburbs. I really don’t get the mini van hate. If you’re avoiding a mini van because you’ll look like a Parent, the snot all over your shirt is a dead give-away you have kids. The frazzled/exhausted grin in the check-out lane tells strangers you’ve got kids. A mini van would be plain awesome. All that space? Doors slide open with a button? That’s futuristic shit, people. If we had more than two kids, you can bet a mini van would be purchased right after the ultrasound. You can also bet that I’d go insane and find solitude in the third row of that van because I don’t want three kids. As for the suburbs, I don’t really have an opinion on that topic. But people swear off certain products and I’m no different. GoGurts? You’ll never find them in my fridge. Mini Ziploc bags? I don’t understand the point. Leggings? I really want to, but I can’t bring myself to wear them. Electric can opener? Use your muscles, people. But yesterday, I broke down and bought something I swore I never would: electric pencil sharpener. And I felt icky about it.
Until I used it.
If you’ve read this blog enough, you know I have issues. Scratch that. I’m getting to the point where I don’t think my issues are that crazy or out of control, I just write them down and tell you about them. I’m sure you have your NO BUY items. And I’m sure some are wackier than an electric pencil sharpener. Maybe not. I’ve been fighting this purchase for decades. It felt like a luxury item.* What wrong with the little ones? I’ll tell you. They don’t work! And I’m over it. Now that we’re using pencils on a daily basis for homework, I need something to get the job done. Not a job that’s all mangled on the left side. Not a job where the lead is broken. For the past couple months, I’ve been dodging the sharpening duties. I’ll scavenger the house for a sharp pencil. Recently, it was taking too long to find a good point and was created a frazzled person. If I’m going to become frazzled, it’s going to be over something I have little control over. I can control the dull pencil debacle and Target solved my frazzle.
I don’t know why I fought it for so long. Maybe because I love the little shake a person’s butt does when they’re sharpening their pencils. In middle school, it was a memorizing dance to break up the day. In high school, it cracked me up to watch my friends’ butt jiggle. And with an electric sharpener, the wiggle is gone. I don’t want that wiggle to be extinct. Back when I was in my crazy eco stage (during Becks’ pregnancy and for the first nine months of his life) I read somewhere that new gadgets were the destruction of our Earth. “What’s wrong with sharpening your pencil with a hand crank sharpener? Think of the unnecessary batteries.” I agreed as I was saving our orange/onion mesh bags to make into bath scrubbies (I was dangerously close to becoming that eco person). Our house came with one and it has always felt nostalgic and charming. But it never worked. And I got to a point (zing) where I could no longer take the dull lead. The frustration was too much and it broke this woman. $7 dollars and some batteries have made the boys and this former eco freak a very happy trio. My husband just thinks I’m crazy and could care less.
I do solemnly swear that I will never buy GoGurts (don’t even get me started on this) or Vanilla Flavored candles. Hand to God.
* I have plenty of items that people would consider to be luxurious or unnecessary: rice cooker, two food-processors, three different sizes of slow cookers, and a juicer. All I won’t apologized for owning. I’m just saying an electric pencil sharpener felt like a Millionaire’s gadget. Until yesterday.
**yes, we spent a good chunk of time sharpening every pencil in our house.