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Almost 18 years ago, he asked me out in front of his date.


Almost 8 years later, he said “Let’s have a baby.  We can do this”


26 :: 30

Ballsy men.

When the doc said, “It’s another boy” I knew there were discussions I’d never have to have with my children.

  • Whether you like it or not, people will expect more or less from you because of that tight shirt and/or short skirt.  And “more” or “less” isn’t good in this situation.
  • If this new guy pulls you into an ally, it isn’t funny or cute.  Get out.
  • Keep your eye on your drink.

I can teach my boys to respect women: to not pull them into alleys.  To not judge a woman by her clothing, but by her ideas.  But I’m not the Mom of the child who has less power in certain situations.  The Other Mom prays her child won’t wake up in a stranger’s house unsure of how she got there.

Those are prayers I don’t have to say for my boys.

There was always another talk I would never have to have with my boys.  I won’t have to discuss how people will treat them differently because of their skin color.  I won’t have to tell them “how things are.”  I won’t have indepth authority figure discussions.  And I won’t have these and other discussions because they’re white.  Maybe I’m naive and African American/Hispanic/Asian Mothers don’t have these discussions because it’s a part of their lives from Day One.  I don’t know.  I can’t possibly know.

But I can discuss race with my boys.  A long time ago, I used to think it was important to raise my boys to be colorblind.   But that’s not a good option, it was a thought because I’m white.  I should raise them to understand that race is part of your story.   The color of your skin brings you struggle and also brings passion to your life.  Your story is shaped by your ethnicity just as mine is by my gender.   This should be respected.

I can pray that my boys grow up to help end racism, fight injustice, respect your story, and treat everyone equally.

But when I go to bed at night, I won’t say the same prayers other Moms whisper.

And it saddens me that they still need to say those prayers.


25 :: 30

I got nothing.  Maybe I’ll come up with something later.

  • Lisa Epp - It is a sad situation.. with no clear answers. Having raised a son who is gay, we have some of these talks, and it never feels right.November 25, 2014 – 5:29 pmReplyCancel

Work is slow right now.  It always is starting this week until January.   I can’t say if it will last as long as it did in the past because the job has changed.  What I can guarantee is that this week it’s impossible to get a manager on the phone, so it’s a tiny little break.

In the past, I LOVED this period.  Leading up to the holiday season, I would drive a thousand plus miles and have to be face-to-face with angry stores.  This break allowed me to recharge.  Get the house in order.  Clean out my office.  But I didn’t have that hellish season this year because I just came back to the job.  So I’m kind of wandering the house.

Laundry is done.  The house is tidy.  And I’m tapped out on the hobbies.  I don’t have a desire to use my camera beyond my 365.  Writing?  Please, I’m barely eeking out a post.  I made so many quilts I’m sick of my machine.  I’m not worried about my boredom from the things that usually bring me release.  This kind of thing happens and slides away at the perfect moment.  But it still means I’m bored most of the day.  I’m this close to binge eating, QVC shopping and drinking at inappropriate times.

What’s stopping me from starting the last three “hobbies”?

I’ve read some good books lately and that usually gets me back into a decent head space.

Who knows?  Maybe tomorrow I’ll clean out the pantry or figure out what’s making all the squeaking gnawing sound in the room above the dining room…

24 :: 30 

Other people’s words.

I’m very late to the Anne Lamott train.  Sure I’ve read “Bird by Bird”, but I didn’t fall under her spell as so many others have.  “Small Victories” might do that for me.  She’s a little God-y for my usual taste, but her words keep the book in my hands.

I’m not a Steven King fan.  He’s just not my thing.  But I’m been wanting to read “On Writing” forever.  Seeing it placed on the cheap bookstore’s wrong shelf felt like a sign.  So I picked it up and haven’t been able to put it down.

I am an Amy Poehler fan.  Sometimes I think that women past the Taylor Swift generation get screwed.  Who are we supposed to lean on?  Amy Poehler can be that shoulder.  Please pick it up.  It’s that simple.  Pick it up.


This morning I woke up, I said “Shit.  It’s Monday.”

And then it dawned on me…

23 :: 30

The split second when I realized it was Sunday.

That split second is magic.


I’m bad at buying quick meals.  Anything quick is usually not good for you or not good to eat.  But I recognize the importance of having meals that anyone can pop in the microwave and eat ASAP.

Right now the Quick Meal Menu is pretty slim.  Ramen is becoming a favorite (which is gross and delicious in the same vain: 1/2 the packet for less sodium).  I’m not a fan of the freezer pizza, but it works in a pinch.  Cereal?  Hell, yes.  And Freezer Burritos.

I swear to all the Cooking Gods that these are the Kings of Quick Meals.  I bow to the bag every single time I reach into and pull out the frozen God.  Stop buying the grocery ones.  Please.  They’re impostors.  They’re awful for you.  They aren’t even that tasty.  Sure they’re quick and easy, but so are Hookers and I doubt you’re bringing one of those home.

Please, print and save the following recipe.  Make a batch.  Make a double batch.  Make your own version.  Just trust me.

Freezer Burritos to Save Your Life (fine.  your grumbling tummy)

  • 1 lb. ground beef (I’m sure you could use turkey, but I haven’t.  Yet)
  • 1 to 2 T. of taco seasoning mix (you know this is so easy to make and much healthier and CHEAPER)
  • 3 Cups pinto beans (make your own and mash them a little or rinse off two cans)
  • 2 C. shredded cheddar cheese (a bag of whatever you’ve got on hand.  Minus mozzarella.  That sounds gross)
  • 1 C of enchilada sauce (I’ve used a can of the generic grocery store and I’ve made my own sauce before.)
  • 1/2 C diced onion (how about one small onion?  That’s easier than measuring)
  • 4 oz can of chopped green chiles (make sure they’re chopped.  nothing worse than grabbing the non-chopped…)
  • 12 burrito-size flour tortillas
  1. Cook the meat until it’s no longer pink.  Stir in taco seasoning.
  2. Drain and transfer to a large bowl.
  3. Add the beans, cheese, sauce, onions, and green chiles.
  4. Make a little burrito rolling station.  Take about a 1/2 C of filing and plop it in the center of a tortilla.  Fold over one side, roll a little and tuck the ends in.  Then continue to roll.  Place it on the rolled seam and get going on the other 11.  My first one always looks pathetic.  I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve watched a video on how to properly roll a burrito.
  5. Let them cool.  If you have the freezer space, I’d freeze them on a pan for about 15-20 minutes.  Get them 1/2 frozen.  And then stuff them into a larger freezer bag.  This helps when you one to make just one.  You won’t be banging a frozen burrito on your counter at 2 a.m.
  6. To eat after frozen.  Grab one or two.  Microwave for 1:30 and then flip.  Microwave for another 1:30.  I like my shells crisp and with some color.  So I heat a skillet during the microwave portion.  When it’s finished in the microwave, I drop it on the skillet and toss each side.  But you can skip that part, but you may have to heat longer in the microwave.  I’m sure you can figure that out.

Make some variations.  Make them yours.  Try different seasonings.  Different meats.  Homemade sauce or green sauce.


Freezer burritos for life.


The 20th of every month means a OSE Month has wrapped.  I love these days.  I love the month all smooshed together.  You want to know what I love more than my smooshed months?

Your smooshed  months!

My sisters will occasionally share theirs on FB and I get a glimpse into their daily lives.  Neighbors share theirs and I see my boys and myself pop up in their months.  Online friends share a broader view of their lives.  I enjoy seeing how our lives unfold.  It’s so similar and comforting.  Dinners being made, games being played, pets running, loved ones laughing,  and even those same loved ones rolling their eyes at the camera.  I’m nosy and this gives me permission to look in your “windows”.

But I also love it for a non-creepy reason.  I love what daily projects do for a person.  It provides focus.  Attention to your life.  I forces you to open up your eyeballs and say, “Hell yeah.  This life is pretty damn good.”  Maybe you’re more appreciative about the mundane bits of life.  But for me, I get bogged down by them.  Wake up, pack lunches, go to work, homework, chores, bed time, chores, repeat.  This and other daily projects strip away the boring bits and highlight the simple nuggets.  And when I smoosh them, I get excited (at least semi-excited:I hate packing lunches) about the repeat part.

Try it out.

I’m not wrong.

One Second FAQ

One Second Challenge (it’s never too late to start your Seconds)

Share your Seconds with my on the FB page. (I said I was nosy.)


Another month smooshed.

One Second A Day :: October-November from Erika Ray on Vimeo.

  • Carol Klein Ray - I love when you share these!November 20, 2014 – 10:22 pmReplyCancel

  • Pam Sherratt - Love love love it! You’re so creative. Mine’s like watching the Waltons. Glad you got the kids eating spray cream at CRC because we need that for future shaming.November 21, 2014 – 4:41 amReplyCancel

  • Pam Sherratt - Love love love it! You’re so creative. Mine’s like watching the Waltons. Glad you got the kids eating spray cream at CRC because we need that for future shaming.November 21, 2014 – 4:42 amReplyCancel