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A friend’s birth is a special thing, but it is different.  There are some pros and cons…

Here are the cons: I’m very aware of my role at a birth.  It’s to be quiet and photograph the story.  With clients, it’s easy.  They don’t ask about my boys’ school year.  But a friend knows my kids started new schools.  So I try to be very quiet, but if they ask questions,  I can’t NOT talk back.  That’s rude to a woman in labor.  You should always be polite to a woman in labor.  But every time I talk, it feels intrusive.  In a client’s birth, I’m not worried about where I stand. Even though I realize my friend is not worried about what I see, I still like to give her some privacy.  I always remind myself, “She asked me to be here.”  But I still worry that she’s worried about what I’ll see or experience.  My worry is only for about 4 seconds because truly Ladies, I can’t stress this enough: this is my job.  Everything is 100% normal and comfortable to me.  I won’t see you at a BBQ and think of your placenta.  When I’m at a BBQ, I hope my birth photography gave you memories for life and a tangible vision of your love and strength.  So at the BBQ, I think about the Pros of shooting a friends’ birth…

I got to see you at your greatest and most beautiful.  Prior to your birth, I thought, “Those are some nice Folks.”  After the birth, I think, “I knew they were nice, but WOAH they’re amazing!”  I witness the sweetness and love usually reserved for private moments.  I get to hang out with their family and see exactly where that sweetness and love comes from.  It’s taught, learned and genetic.  And I get to witness it from the source: their parents.  I also see my friends’ love for their first son.  And how important it was for them to include and remind him, he’s still their baby.  I’m able to hear that little boy exclaim, “You’re finally here!  I’ve waited so long for you.”  And I melt along with every other person in the room.

Watching a friend give birth is a true honor.  It amplifies what I already knew: their goodness, bravery, strength, humor, and love.  At the next BBQ and I see little Charlie, I’ll always remember his first loud cry, his Daddy’s smile at his first glance, and how his Momma’s heart swelled the second he was born.  I’ll remember his grandparents’ adoration and how his big brother couldn’t wait to meet him.

Kid, you are deeply loved and it was beautiful from the start.  I’ll never forget it because I was lucky to be there.
And at a future BBQ, if you want an extra cookie?

Ask me, Champ.

I’m a sucker for kids I’ve known from their first seconds on Earth.

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  • jodiK - You sure made that look easy, Mama! Gorgeous family and photos.November 8, 2016 – 2:36 pmReplyCancel

For years, I spent November blogging/photographing once a day about Gratitude.  Some days it was easy to rattle off a number of gratitudes.  Some days it was all I had to be grateful that the day was almost over.  I’ve skipped it for the past two years.  Part of me was thrilled and the other part missed the practice.

A few weeks ago, I thought “Maybe I’ll bring it back in 2016.”
A few hours later, I thought “I can’t do it.”

And then a couple of days later, my lovely and very talented friend, Xanthe Berkeley, announced that she was going to make and share her films every day in November.  I love this idea.  As a photographer, there’s something so beautiful about watching a film I’ve created.  My kids move and talk for once in my art!

A few minutes after reading her post I thought, “I can do THIS project!”

A few seconds later, I thought “Nope.  That’s a lot of editing and posting and that’s NOT happening these days…”

But I miss the Gratitude project.  I miss pushing my vulnerability limits.  I’m not real smooshy with my People.  I miss what even the shitty posts gave me: a chance to be happy even during boring/dark/meh days.

Picking up my big camera still isn’t a priority, but I need to complete a Gratitude project this year.

What’s a Lazy Gal to do?!

Think, Erika.  Think…

<light bulb moment>
I’m bringing back my One Second a Day project for November!
One Second of Gratitude!

I can handle that!  Just find one moment of happiness/gratitude and film it for the whole month.

Easy!!

Want to search out your own gratitude?  Want to play along?!

You do?!

Perfect.  Here’s an FAQ on how to make a One Second video.

Round One
Round Two

The air is filling with the scent of Fall.  Crisp mornings greet me for the walk to the bus.  Pumpkins are popping up on porches and Christmas decorations are lining store aisles.  Let’s take a trip back to warmer days.

Jennifer and her family lives outside of the CHOICE loop, but she really wanted to have her fourth baby with these midwives.  CHOICE was able to find a kind woman who was happy to let Jennifer fill up a birth tub and have her baby in her front room. Early one August morning, I got the text that she and her family were driving down.

Her husband worked on warming some water and her girls helped fill the tub.  Jennifer patiently worked through contractions.  Once she got in the tub, you knew it wasn’t long.  She was about to become a boy Mom.

She was determined and passionate about meeting her son.

She was calm and strong during contractions.

She filled the room with raw beauty.

And during those morning hours, she radiated as she became a mother again.

It’s this intense and stunning beauty that draws me to Birth photography: the story of a birth, the strength of the woman, the support of a partner and the compassion of the midwives.  I’m allowed to document those powerful emotions.  I create a reminder for many years to come.  During Wynn’s 4th birthday, I hope they’ll pull out the photos and remember the love that permeated a stranger’s home one August morning.

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Disclaimer: This post was written by a very lazy middle age woman.  One who hates to work-out.  What does she hate more than that?  Really hot temperatures and humidity.  But what does she hate the most?  When those three things slam into each and make her sweat an obscene amount.  Please take all that into consideration when you read the following post.  Middle age, lazy, and copious amounts of hate…

I started yoga in January.  I’ll keep the Why short.  How about this?  I figured I needed some changes and a former birth client just opened a studio.  Her midwife had asked me to go about a dozen times and I kept blowing her off (read above), but the perfect storm of Need for Change, Opportunity, Sanity Saving was brewing.  So I went.  Surprisingly, I kept going.

Here’s what I’ve learned in the past nine months.

  • If a recipe says, “toss in a handful of herbs” I want to scream.  I like when it says, “3 T. of finely chopped cilantro.”  My first class I took at Blue Spot was a Hot 60.  Even given my entire disclaimer (and wow does the heat smack you in the face when you step into the studio), it appealed to my core immediately.  It’s a very specific set of 26 postures with a very specific set of instructions.
  • I was worried people would notice my lack of proper form.  Yoga is a good reminder that You care more about yourself than other people do.  No one is looking or judging you.  If anything, I see a beautiful Bird of Paradise and think, “One day…”  And then I work to get my shoulders straight.
  • Yoga isn’t only for the flexible skinny women with asses built for yoga pants.  Yoga is for everyone.  Everyone.
  • Kayne produces tracks meant for flow classes.  I’m not sure he’s aware of that fact.  Hell, who am I kidding?  He’s aware his music is suitable for absolutely everything.  As it should be…
  • My shoulders look pretty fucking good when they’re sweaty.
  • If someone farts, I will giggle.  For a while.
  • Someone women do sweat pretty.  I AM NOT one of them.  Except for my shoulders…
  • I love to practice near a door.  Sometimes the teacher will open it for 3 seconds.  And when she does…  Oh sweet Lord.  I can only imagine it’s what the breeze off a Unicorn Beyonce feels like as she swoops down and says, “Get your ass up here.  Let’s ride.”
  • I used to look forward to Labor Day when I’d ignore my razor for months.  Now it gets regular use.  There’s nothing more distracting than watching sweat beads Plinko down my leg hair while in Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee.  Regular shaving is one yoga Con.  Oh and no more tiny zits on the side of my nose.  I miss those.  I’m a popper.
  • I’m stronger than I ever imagined I could be.
  • I’ve gotten quieter than I ever imagined I could be.  And it’s a good thing.  Family and friends might not 100% agree.  Maybe it’s the constant chatter in my head.  Who knows, but I stand by this nugget.
  • I hate chair pose.
  • I hate triangle pose.
  • At some point I hate every pose.  But then I tell myself, “You showed up.  So just fucking try your best.”
  • I enjoy feeling new muscles.
  • I secretly enjoy the sound of my sweaty top hitting the floor.  One because I worked my ass off.  Two because the gross ick is off me.  Some yoga clothes are a pain in the ass to get out of especially when drenched in sweat.  Flopping around while stuck in a yoga top or sports bra is humiliating.
  • During an irritating Life moment, I’m usually two deep breaths in before I realize what I’m doing.  I’m not reacting.  I’m breathing.
  • Yoga pants have ruined anything with a waistband.
  • For 60-90 minutes, I don’t have to worry about my phone, food prep, homework, schedules, etc.
  • “Heart forward” is a good cue on the mat.  It’s also one I’m trying to take off the mat.  Heart forward, Erika.  Heart forward.

 

Reread the disclaimer.  And I promise, I’m not exaggerating my hatred.  Ask my Ma.

If I can do it, so can you.  You just have to show up and stay in the room.

And just maybe you’ll shock yourself too.

StaciMcCool2016.jpgTotally not me.  But no one likes a photo-free blog post plus it’s kind of hard to photograph yourself in poses.  And I enjoy when she “models” for me.

If you’re local or visiting the Columbus area, come visit Blue Spot.

And if I’m there and you fart, I’m sorry that I laughed…

My mind has been a little preoccupied.  Between epic births, Orlando Bloom’s dick pic (yeah I went there), the Final Five, Lochte’s appalling behavior, new Howard Stern, and finally toss in Back to School jitters I haven’t paying attention to the big things.  The important things…

It’s time to give again.  Time to help out our “neighbors” in Louisiana.

  • I tend to quilt because I get an itch:
    “Maybe someone will have a girl?”  They never do…
  • “I love this fabric!”  I always do…
  • “I should probably sew through my stash.” And I do with no plan.

So I’ve got a tiny quilt surplus which should benefit someone.  How about you?  Need a gift?  Want a pretty quilt to let your kids picnic on?  Need a prop for your photography?  Wanna to do some good?!

I knew you did.  You’re good Folks.

This lovely number measures 38 x 38.  Perfect for all of the above.  I don’t usually find quilts snuggly.  Babies usually adore fleece.  I get it, Kids Fleece over homemade…  But this one is backed with flannel, so it helps add some coziness.

Let’s hold another auction!  You could get this beauty for dirt cheap and you will absolutely help out families affected by the floods.  All proceeds will go to Red Cross.

Send a bid to my email (erika@erikarayphotography.com) or a message via Erika Ray Photography on Facebook.  As often as I can, I’ll update the current highest bid on FB (so if you haven’t Liked and/or Following the page, get on it!).
Highest bid on Tuesday (8/23) at noon EST will win all this patchwork goodness!

I’ll accept Paypal.  But if you have another suggestion, I won’t turn away money for the Red Cross.

Alright Ladies and Gents… 
Can I get $5?

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Early in my career, I photographed Staci’s first birth and it’s still my longest one.  It’s also the birth that really showed me how strong a woman can be.  It was over 27 hours and she pushed longer and harder than I could imagine was possible.  You can’t blame her for wanting a different birth for her second.  I spent lots of time telling her, “It won’t be like your first birth.  It will be faster.  I promise.”  What the hell do I know?!  Ballsy words, Erika…  But I figured if I said it enough, it might come true.

Thank God, I was right or she may have killed me.

Staci’s water broke and because she had been 7 cm for a couple of days, she immediately went to the hospital.  She was laughing during the check-in and still able to talk through the contractions.  She took a walk and then tried to sleep.  The nurses told me, “We’re all shocked she’s walking around.”  I wasn’t.  It’s Staci.

She closed her eyes and 8 minutes later she was in active labor.  There was no slow climb or lengthy labor.  It was fast and intense.  Staci was raw and powerful once again.  She was ready to meet her second son and he wasn’t going to wait 27 hours.  40 minutes later she pushed three times and Oliver was in her arms.

She told me later that natural birth is traumatic.  “I don’t remember saying things or doing things.  I don’t really remember him on my chest right after.  It just feels traumatic” * I completely agree.  I think your mind shuts down and prepares you to handle the pain.

She might not vividly remember Oliver’s birth, so here’s what I want her to see in her photos:

She doesn’t do anything in life half-assed.  She does it passionately and goes all in.  She is strong physically and mentally.  When she leaned on her husband, he held her up and gave her more strength to continue.  When her body told her to push, she listened.  And when her son was born, she didn’t take a break.  She reached for him and never let go.  The love was fierce and immediate.  She was yet again breathtaking and magnificent.

“Repeat Client” sounds too clinical for birth work.  A woman lets you see her during her most vulnerable moment.  She cries in pain.  You see her naked and sometimes shaken.  Her family accepts you, feeds you and makes you comfortable.  You’re forever linked to one of her best moments.  But most important, she allows you to see her true core.  Then she calls for a second time.  “You want to see all that again?”**  Oh I do, Lady.  You aren’t a “Repeat Client”.  You’re a friend.

Congrats, My Friend.

Welcome to the Boy Mom club!  We’re a feisty group of ladies.  You’ll fit right in.

*I’m paraphrasing, but you get the point.  I’m sure there were a few explicit words tossed in.  It’s one reasons we get along.

** Not even close to Staci’s text.  It was hilarious and crafted with colorful words…
***  Are you in Columbus?  Visit Staci’s studio Bluespot Yoga.  Witness how strong and powerful Staci is outside of labor and delivery.  Someday I’ll write a post about how yoga has changed my life.  It deserves a post, but I can’t seem to get the words right.  For now, I’ll let her video speak.

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  • Lauren Kamenitz - beautiful erika! my favorite moment from post-births is always the one where mom places her hand on her belly like she’s grown accustomed to for 10 months, but the baby is right next to her now! it’s a beautiful message you wrote to moms!August 15, 2016 – 1:03 pmReplyCancel

  • Musings from a brand spanking new yogi » Erika Ray Photography - […] post plus it’s kind of hard to photograph yourself in poses.  And I enjoy when she “models” for […]October 10, 2016 – 10:06 pmReplyCancel

A month ago, the news was difficult to watch and yet I couldn’t turn it off.  Every day I’d say, “That’s the worst thing to happen!”  And then within a couple days, I was saying “I guess it can get worse…”  The news was full of unthinkable violence and hate speak easily rattled off of tongues.  All of this was peppered between stories of political absurdities.  My children were asking difficult questions and I had to deliver difficult answers.  My faith in humanity was being questioned.

But then one beautiful Saturday morning, I got the call that Liv was in labor.

The house had that new baby buzz.   Liv was in labor, but still able to talk and laugh.  Her wife Julia was helping by providing popsicles, juice, and changing the music at Liv’s request.  Midwives were setting up and I was getting ready to capture a very special birth.

All births have their own special vibe: first baby, first girl, all boys, good friend, surprise baby… This one was no different.  Julia and Liv were helping Hyun and Wessel start a family.

Liv’s labor progressed quickly.  The room started to fill with the fact that a baby was coming.  Wessel and Hyun were at the edge of the pool eager to meet their son.  Julia comforted Liv during her most difficult contractions.  I caught Wessel’s face and I knew that he had seen the first glimpse of his son.  Minutes later, he was helping the midwife catch his son.  Soon after with Julia and Liv on the couch, Hyun and Wessel were holding their son, Junhee.  A family was born.

During that afternoon I was reminded that selfless kindness and pure love is our true humanity. And very quickly, my faith was restored and won’t be shaken again.  Every day there are acts of love being put back into the world and those will grow into even greater acts of Love.  I’m grateful that I was able to watch one of those acts grow.

The world always needs more love.  And that’s just what it got one beautiful Saturday morning.

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*Junhee decided to two drop poos during a photo…  The kid’s got his timing down.  

I have no doubt he’s going to be hilarious.

Midwives: C.H.O.I.C.E.

  • Val Ely - Wow, Erika. I am speechless. What a complete and utterly gut-wrenching display of selfless love. You documented their story beautifully. Thanks for sharing it. I feel weepy now.August 10, 2016 – 10:28 amReplyCancel

    • Erika - Thank you. It truly was an honor to document both days.August 10, 2016 – 5:46 pmReplyCancel

  • Pam Sherratt - This made me cry! Such a wonderful, wonderful story. What a great life that little boy will have.August 11, 2016 – 7:22 pmReplyCancel