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19 :: 30

Untitled-1Yesterday I almost ended my post with “I’m probably crabby because I’ll start my period tomorrow.”

But I didn’t.  Because I didn’t really think I was crabby because of a period.  And also when a woman blames her mood for a Period, men seem to think they get the same privilege and that’s certainly never the case (another blog post, Folks)

But honestly, I’m a piss poor of an excuse for a woman and an adult really.  You see, it’s true:

  • I have no clue when it’s daylight savings.  And I don’t really trust the whole Fall back thing, so I never know how to adjust my clocks.
  • I have no idea how to figure out Pacific Standard Time, Central screws me up, and who the fucks know about Mountain Standard time?!
  • Washing your sheets once a week?  Shit…
  • How long to you let an egg sit in the boiled water for a hard boil?  How about rice?  Is it the same time?  I google it every time.
  • I haven’t worn a wedding ring since I was pregnant with Becks.  It doesn’t bother me or Mark who hasn’t worn his for the same amount of time.  It just felt weird, so I don’t.  Do I think we aren’t married?  Trust me, we are.  And the ring doesn’t prove that.
  • I have no clue when my period is coming.  Ever.  Thank god, I started using an app, but I still have NO IDEA when it’s coming until I click the button.  And then I go all shocked and I whisper, “Well all that makes sense now…”

The week before I get crabby.  I eat the entire fridge, pantry, and basement reserves.  If I have more than two glasses of wine, I get beyond forgetful.  I look like I’m about 5 months pregnant.  I’ve got period symptoms, but I ignore them because I’m not good at being an Adult Woman.  So I blame everything else because it’s clearly EVERYTHING else.

I’m crabby because I’m a working mom of two boys.  I eat the entire fridge because some days I don’t eat anything.  Maybe it was actually three REALLY big glasses of wine.  I usually look like I’m 5 months pregnant.   And I did eat the entire fridge.  And drink that box of wine.  The symptoms are easily ignored by a Not Good Adult Woman.

And when I can’t ignore it any longer, I shake my head at the ignorance.  It’s that time ONCE again.  Dammit.  It’s still a surprise.  “WHAT is this disgusting shit?!”  How did this happen?!  No really?!  It isn’t fair!  While dealing with awful cramps, I jokingly asked that question and a woman truthfully said, “Because Eve couldn’t resist temptation.”  She’s lucky I resisted the temptation to pull out her eyelashes.  But I hate Woman on Woman crime (even though she started it).  **

So I didn’t end yesterday’s post with that because I had no clue.  And let’s be honest, I’m usually a bit crabby.

19 :: 30 

Not being pregnant.  Cause that’s the only good thing about having a period If you don’t want to be pregnant.  And I don’t.


**  Please don’t yell at me if you’re religious.  I get it.  Fine that’s what you believe.  But a very simple, “I’m sorry sweetie” would have been better than a suck it up for Jesus answer (a version of what my Ma would have said to us as kids.  She knows better than to pull that card with a Period though…).

***I miss shooting in bathrooms.